From BakeandDestroy.net:
Me with my BTSC. In a minute you're going to feel really weird about this picture being in this post.
I don’t know when it started, but at some point in my childhood, Better Than Sex Cake became my official birthday cake. Of course my mom being a decent person, she didn’t let me know it was called that until I was much older. As far as I knew, Better Than A Handshake Cake was as close to heaven as it got, and my mom was happy to whip one up on December 12th year after year.
For those of you who missed out on this one as a kid, Better Than Sex Cake consists of a 9″ x 11″ chocolate cake (German chocolate is my preference, but devil’s food will do,) poked full of holes and drizzled with a mix of sweetened condensed milk and caramel ice cream topping, sprinkled with chocolate-covered toffee candy, smothered in Cool Whip and topped with even more candy. It’s basically a fat ass version of tres leches cake.
I honestly hadn’t had one since I was a kid – until today. See, this week end is my mother-in-law’s birthday and I was trying to think of something different she’d like just as much as the German chocolate cupcakes I’ve been making her since she moved to Chicago. When I remembered that combo of sweet chocolate, caramel and crunchy candy I knew I had to resurrect the Better Than Sex Cake for this special lady. I thought for a minute I might make the whole thing from scratch – sweetened whipped cream and all. Then, like a tattooed Obi-Wan, I had a vision of Tony pop into my head. “Keep it white trash, Natalie,” he said. And just as I did for the cat litter cake of ’09, I stayed true to the recipe and all it’s processed foods glory.
So here you have it, for those of you who have never had one. I suggest you make it at least once in your life, provided you are miraculously not allergic or ethically opposed to any of the ingredients. And for those of you who remember is fondly, I have some suggestions at the bottom on ways to make it even more of a sick pleasure.
Photo by Divine Domesticity
You’ll need:
- 1 box of chocolate cake mix (German chocolate or devil’s food) + all the stuff you need to bake the cake (probably 3 eggs, some vegetable oil and water)
- 12 oz sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated milk)
- 12.5 oz caramel ice cream topping
- 3-4 Heath bars (or Skor,) chopped
- 1 tub of Cool Whip, thawed
Then you:
Prepare the cake as instructed on the box. Cool for 5 minutes. While the cake is cooling, dump the sweetened condensed milk and caramel topping into a medium sauce pan and stir together over low heat until warm and well combined. When 5 minutes is up, use the handle of a small wooden spoon (or your preferred hole-poking device) and poke lots of holes in the cake. Try not to go all the way to the bottom, although if you do it doesn’t really matter. Drizzle 1/2 the caramel and milk mixture over the cake, into the holes. Then sprinkle most of the candy over the cake. Let the whole nightmare cool completely.
In a large bowl, fold the remaining milk and caramel mixture into the Cool Whip. Top the cooled cake with the Cool Whip mixture and sprinkle with the remaining candy. I like to refrigerate it a while so everything has a chance to firm up, but then let it get back to room temperature before serving. Cut into smaller pieces than you think you want, because this cake’s sweetness will kick your ass.
Variations:
Better Than A Beej Cake
Photo by rawmeatcatfood.com
Banana cake (heh… get it?) drizzled with butterscotch ice cream topping and sweetened condensed milk, topped with butterscotch and chocolate chips and Cool Whip.
Better Than Paddling The Pink Canoe Cake
Strawberry cake drizzled with sweetened condensed milk with pure vanilla extract added, topped with almond slivers and Cool Whip.
Better Than A Bugger Cake
…sorry I’m still laughing. OK, done. Devil’s food cake drizzled with 3/4 cup of peanut butter melted together with sweetened condensed milk. Topped with chopped peanut butter cups and chocolate Cool Whip.
Better Than A Dry Hump Cake
Angel food cake drizzled with fat-free sweetened condensed milk, topped with fresh fruit and sugar-free Cool Whip. Because… you know, why bother?
Better Than A Lemon Party Cake
(If you don’t know what a lemon party is DON’T Google it at work.) Lemon cake drizzled with sweetened condensed milk flavored with fresh lemon juice and a dash of almond extract topped with crystallized ginger and Cool Whip.
I could do this all night. But I want to hear what variations you guys come up with. C’mon… don’t be shy.